BFF: A red flag for anyone over 21

Have you ever met an actual adult over the age of 21 who claimed to have a best friend? And upon hearing this news you didn’t find it just a tad creepy? In society it is perfectly acceptable to have a best friend from the ages of 2 til about 18. “BFF” is really just an elementary school, middle school, and high school thing. It is even still borderline acceptable a year or two after high school graduation as one is still growing up and finding their way in the world. A lot of 18-20 year olds still hold onto a lot of mementos from childhood whether it be a favorite stuffed animal or their “blankie.” Sometimes childhood best friends fall into this category. As one matures, goes to college, and makes new friends, childhood best friends often get forgotten in favor of new friends with whom to share new experiences. This is completely normal as childhood best friends grow apart. What is not normal is hanging onto best friends anytime after 21. I know some of you might disagree with me, but this is simply creepy. Unless you are a cartoon character, a Muppet (think Bert and Ernie. Or maybe not. We all know their “situation”), or a child, people will think you two share a “special” kind of closeness ala Oprah and Gayle.
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Bart and Milhouse=A Okay.

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Oprah and Gayle?=Not so much.

Think about it. I had a friend who was 33 years old and told me she had a best friend who was also a 33 year old female. I felt like I couldn’t compete. These feelings of jealousy are a rite of passage in a girl’s childhood, but who wants to share someone with another female “best friend” when they are in their twenties and thirties? I mean, ewww. It might as well be a boyfriend because this friend is NEVER going to ask you to hang out unless their “BFF” can’t make it, or worse (and very immature for anyone over the age of 8), will morph your friendship into some sort of three headed monster where her bestie is always present. No matter what. You are just an accessory. An afterthought. When I was 22, I met two girls in college who were 19. They were BFF. If one of them was driving, I always got the back seat. They had all these inside jokes where they would talk about something I didn’t know about and laugh uncontrollably to each other while I sat in the dark. The worst part was if they were in a fight and each of them would call me to ask me my advice about what the other one was doing and how they should handle it. I was a mediator. Then while they were still fighting, we would have these super awkward “separate days” where I got the privilege of hanging out with each girl separately. All they would do is tell me about their disagreement with the other one: “I can’t BELIEVE she would put this new guy she’s dating FIRST! She KNEW we were going to the mall! We’ve known each other 13 years since our My Little Pony themed birthday party when I was 6!” After she would finish complaining about her bestie, there would be awkward silence between us because we in actuality had NOTHING in common. The only thing we had in common was the dynamic of the three of us being friends. I finally told her, “You’re know you’re going to forgive her, so why are you wasting my time with this petty drama?!” Bitch. I actually didn’t use that word but that was a more accurate word to describe how I was actually feeling besides “used”, “taken advantage of”, and “ignored.” Seriously if I wanted to sit in the backseat during a night out, I would date. Then it would be guaranteed something fun would happen. Even at 22, I was too old for that B.S.. When I was 28, my 28 year old friend asked me to go out to dinner with her and her best friend. It turned out her best friend brought her boyfriend, so my friend sat closer to me and started laughing louder at all of my jokes in order to make her jealous. Needless to say, I was very weirded out. This is not normal for two adults. I don’t care what anyone says. I recently rewatched Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. When I first saw it when I was 14, I thought, “How cool! Two grown women live together and are joined at the hip! I hope to have that kind of friendship someday.” Now at age 30, I think, “Two 28 year old women who both don’t have boyfriends and are living together in an apartment? Isn’t this the Hollywood live version of Bert and Ernie?” Can we all say, YUCK?! I don’t know about you, but the next time I meet a friend and she introduces me to her best friend “Crystal”, I’ll say, “Hey Crystal. I’m Red Flag,” and take off running as fast as I can in the nearest direction.

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Come on. Can anyone see how far down Romy has her hands?

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