They only come out on OkCupid

So my friend and I go out to this bar last week. The male bartender is very friendly and knowledgeable about the craft beer. I tell him I am also a bartender and his eyes light up as if I said, “Yes, you can move in with me and I will fix you unlimited bacon while I play with your sausage and wash your dirty underwear and pay off all your student loans.” Trust me, I would NEVER say this, but a lot of girls would and that is why I’m perpetually single (more on that later). So I go home and the next morning I am alerted that I have a new message waiting for me in my okcupid inbox. Oh joy! I bet this is the one time it’s from someone normal who has a good job and is good looking! I mean, what do you think this is, real life?! To my surprise, it’s the bartender from last night. He doesn’t know it’s me. I write back to his brilliant opener “We live pretty close to each other” by replying, “Aren’t you the bartender from the (fill in the blank) bar? I was there last night!” Instead of being intrigued, he writes back, “My first time on a site and right away I get busted!” At first I thought it was some cute joke or adorable admission at getting caught, but he doesn’t reply to my follow up message for four days. When I log back on after day five, I found out he deleted his okcupid account. I think to myself, “This is totally normal behavior for a 31 year old.” But then again this is okcupid and there are different standards for normal versus the real world.


Mmmm. Bacon.


Mmmm. Loneliness.


2 thoughts on “They only come out on OkCupid

  1. That’s quite a line you have there, ha ha ha. However, anybody who wants, “Unlimited bacon,” is clearly not about taking care of themselves. You write very well – thanks for the comments on my blog, it’s appreciated.

    Guys have a very different problem (at least, I do) when it comes to meeting people. Knowing what you’re after is one thing – filtering out enough people to narrow down to somebody who fits…that’s something else.

    Though I did have a slightly similar experience with a woman on OKC messaging me…she wrote about four months ago, deleted her account. Then a few weeks ago, she wrote again and again, I was polite and tried to decline in a nice way. Despite my note, she wrote back (ignoring my hint) and said, let’s just go out and see what happens. Sigh.

    Then she deleted her account a second time, near as I can tell. If I ever see her in real life…I’m going to run. Literally.

    • Thanks for the compliment! Hahahaha I guess the women can also play that game of talking to you then randomly deleting their OkC profile. I love that they think after deleting their profile that we would still be interested in picking right up where we last left off. Really? Deleting one’s profile sends a very strong message namely, “I’m so over talking to you and I’m so over online dating.” You can’t magically come back just because you got rejected in the real world. It doesn’t work that way, homie. I think the real world equivalent would be if we called somebody and they didn’t return our call until a month or two later, expecting to still pick up where we last left up. Sorry you just got Nexted. Yeah I watch a lot of dating shows on MTV in my spare time.

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