Friendship can be a fun addition to your life if you’re in the right kind of friendship. The “right kind” of friendship involves a give and take. You both have a lot in common, you both listen to each other speak, and you have the same interests. Seems easy to be able to tell, right?
Sometimes we are tricked into thinking we found a new friend when in actuality, we found ourselves a new career opportunity called Unpaid Therapist. How can you tell if your friend has designated you to be her unpaid therapist? If she calls you up to meet for drinks because she “has a bunch of stuff to tell you”, that is actually code for “I’m going to go on and on about my guy problems while you give me advice that I have no intention of taking.” You are tricked into meeting her for drinks because after she tells you “the bunch of stuff she needs to tell you” then you think you will have your chance to tell her what’s going on with you. The problem is, it hardly ever works that way. Your friend will spend the whole night telling you what a jerk the guy she’s seeing is because he (Fill in the blank: Didn’t call when he said he would, canceled their date, or makes her drive to his house for “dates”). Then you think to yourself, “Is my fellow 30 year old friend really asking my advice on something that any 15 year old would be able to answer?” You then give her advice as she immediately interrupts with, “Yeah. So do you think that’s normal for him to do that? He didn’t do that when we were first dating.” As if that isn’t bad enough that she totally steamrolled over all your advice by basically ignoring you and going on about her guy, you might find it helpful to jump in with, “I had a similar experience when the guy I was seeing canceled our date. I…” She will then cut you off- “Anyway, I just don’t get it.” It is at that point when you realize she doesn’t want to talk to you and have a give and take conversation. She needs someone willing to listen to the sound of her own voice. You might feel useful by being able to help your friend. If she takes your advice, great. But what will most likely happen will be she will call you in a week or two to meet up for drinks because she “has a bunch of stuff to tell you” (sound familiar?) and you will meet with her because you want to hear how it all turned out following your advice. Instead, she will tell you about how she decided to give her guy another chance. They had a date for Saturday night and he, (gasp!) canceled it!! What should she do??? It is at this point when you might be thinking, “Didn’t I tell you to stop seeing him, you dumb bitch?”
If you so much as put it in a kinder way such as, “Well I told you he’d probably do it again, so you should move on” she will reply with,
“But I really like him!” She will then tell you everything she likes about this very obvious horse’s ass. But the only horse’s ass is you because you are allowing this fake friend to completely waste your time. Don’t fool yourself into thinking she needs you. She just needs a sounding board. And one simply does not have time for that. If you have ever felt like this, it is time to move on:
I have had a lot of “friends” like this recently. I’ve met up with them to listen to their guy problems and have given them great advice because I’ve been there. Then they turn around and do what they want. I’m sure they would eventually listen to my guy problems, but I wouldn’t want to take advice from friends who at age 30 have the naivete of 15 year olds (and I thought I was inexperienced!). If you find yourself in this draining situation, run don’t walk to the friend store and do a trade-in for your clunker.
And if you feel you are competing for her attention over one of these, make like one of these and trade up:
Because Honey Child, you deserve better.