Adventures in texting with my ex

Just an update: in my last blog titled “Friends with benefits benefits no one,” I mentioned that my ex and I were going to try being friends with no benefits. I wrote that I would give y’all an update on how it goes. Here’s the deets:

Starting August 1st, my ex texted me just to say hi for the first time after our breakup on March 30th. He asked if I was still mad at him. I said I wasn’t mad and that I would like to make a fresh start as friends. He agreed and said, “That sounds awesome.”

Our exchange went something like this:



(This is the second Oprah picture I have used in a blog. Call me obsessed. Just don’t call me maybe)



(Fun fact: I look nothing like this)

We continued texting just to say hi for the entire month. It seemed as if we were heading in a new, positive direction: friends with no benefits. We mutually agreed on it and it was written. On August 30th, a month after our new arrangement, I ask him how he was doing after his leg injury. He replies that he is feeling better. I tell him, “You need to rest up for all the adventures that may lie ahead.”
He answers, “I just need to find someone who’s willing to share those adventures with me.”
I said, “You’ll find someone you like.”
He rejoins, “That’s exactly what’s going to happen. You seem pretty upset about that.”
I tell him, “Not at all. I was just validating your feelings. I think we’re good as friends, but we’re not really a match when it comes to being in a relationship.”
Then he says, “Sweet. Glad we see eye to eye on that. I’m hanging out with my dad. I’ll text you later.”

End scene. It has been a week and I haven’t heard anything else from him.

This is what I get texting a 23 year old. This feels like a game, an emotional mindfuck if you will. At 30, I just don’t have time for this. I told him if there’s anything more he’d like to discuss, he can talk to me anytime. It’s unlikely he’ll jump on that offer. Dating younger men is like dealing with my students. I try to get them to be clear about what they are trying to tell me and they cannot quite put into words what they are trying to convey. I will forgive them, though. They are all between the ages of 3-10. This is a grown ass man (I think). Maybe I’m expecting too much. Some of my lady friends thought he was trying to propose the idea of us dating again and then got butthurt when I told him he would find someone he likes. Another school of thought was that he was trying to tell me he wanted to move on. Either way, it could have been more clear and done in a more direct, mature fashion. But the important lesson to be gained from this is I ain’t even mad, bro. Maybe you are. It is just a disappointment that a new beginning for us was ended abruptly by an immature text message exchange. The classic Blink 182 song “What’s my age again?” comes to mind. Chances are if you’re in your late twenties or early thirties, you’ll remember the famous chorus from jr. high or high school:  “Nobody likes you when you’re 23…”

(This is a live version without the nudity found in the original music video)

As you’re reading this and enjoying Blink 182’s blast from the past, feel free to share your thoughts on what you think my ex was trying to say or any similar stories you may have 🙂


4 thoughts on “Adventures in texting with my ex

  1. I don’t even think it has completely to do with age. I just don’t think you should be friends with your ex. Check out my post about it below:


    Then if he doesn’t call or text he probably isn’t that into you. More insight below:

    And lastly,,,why are you still holding onto him? Follow my steps and close that door!

    I hope you take some time to read these post. I understand where you’ve been cause I just went through it but the sooner you end it, the better.

    • Thank you for sharing your awesome insight on issues we can both relate to. I think we can all learn from one another. I enjoyed reading your blogs. One point you made that really stayed with me was when it comes to your ex not calling you, you said, “If he likes you, he won’t feel like he’s taking time out of his day but making time for you in his day.” I’m going to remember that. Thanks again for sharing your insight with me. I left more likes and comments on your blogs individually 🙂

  2. I’ve got precious little experience in chatting with any of my exes. However, there are two reasons I have chatted up any given woman I dated in the past. Reason 1: I’m still single, she was still hot and I still want to see if she’s awesome when my balls are in her mouth.

    Reason 2: I’m still single, I think she was a great conversationalist, smarter than me and I want to find out what her POV is about the latest dumbass moves I’m pulling in my dating life. Bonus if she wants to suck my balls.

    Reason 3: I’m dating somebody, she’s terrible in bed, I recall with fondness how awesome her head game was and I just wanted to say, “Hi,” before I ask if she’d like to gargle my nuts.

    After dating a lot for about a year…I have more than enough female friends, none of whom I would ask any of the above questions. However, with an ex-girlfriend…I love giving a massage, making her feel like a princess and then some.

    Based on my limited experience, he needs to grow some balls and figure out what he wants. Personally, I’ve decided I’m done with dating for a while because it’s not building me the life I want.

    • Thank you for the great and hilarious insight! It helps me to actually hear from a guy why guys think the way they do. I’m with you on the whole dating thing. I don’t think it’s building me the life I want either. Just a lot of headaches. I think I’ll just do me for awhile 🙂

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