That Girl Who Never Has Time For You (Hashtag Multiple Emoji Smiley With Hearts)

Everyone knows that one girl. That girl who goes to all the cool parties, knows all the coolest people, knows the best places to hang out, and has a great look that all her friends want to emulate:

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Everyone she knows is texting her, messaging her, and commenting on all of her posts just waiting for their chance to hang out with her. There is one caveat: she doesn’t actually have time for you or anyone else.

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It’s true she’s always posting on social media about going out to all the amazing bars, clubs, shows, and parties. She’ll “check in” to all the exclusive velvet-rope hot spots where you and your friends wait outside for hours. She gets right in because she “knows someone.” She’s what is known as a “scene girl” or “Really cool hipster girl with connections” or “uber hipster,” if you must. (I wish you wouldn’t. It gives these girls way more credit than they actually deserve).    Every girl and guy she knows follows her around like a lost puppy, just grateful for the privilege of her expertise in what’s hot right now. She obviously knows better than you do. Her clothes are cuter. Her haircut is more expensive. She is a vegan chef. She plays an instrumet. She is a writer. She is an artist. She has a lip ring. Or maybe she doesn’t. There are varying breeds. Whatever she is, she’s cooler and better than everyone and she lets them know it:

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These girls are what I like to call “Scene Fakers,” or simply, “Fakes” If their friends text them to hang out, the “scene fake” ignores them. Meanwhile that very same night, she’s at a hip LA/SF/NYC bar bumping into the cool kids she knows who also showed up alone just to “bump into” the other socially acceptable scene kids they feel are worthy of them.
This faker will also post on social media: “I’m going to Such-and-Such Bar/Going for a bike ride/Cooking vegan food at my apartment. Who’s down?” All of her Twitter/Instagram/Facebook followers will answer. Hours will go by. Meanwhile she’ll post pics of said activity with the people she met up with. You know, the people who know a lot more about “the scene” than you. People who she feels made the cut.
This “fake” doesn’t actually have real friends. She doesn’t want them. But she does want everyone to know how popular she is because one is simply not popular unless they have the pictures to prove it. Meanwhile, her friends will comment under her social media posts, “How come you never returned my text? I wanted to go bike riding with you” or “Invite me next time you to go to Such-and-Such Bar.” Meanwhile she’s laughing out the sides of her extremely heavy, oversized black framed glasses. She lives life on her own terms, and you as her friend, are lucky enough to get a front row seat on social media to watch. Meanwhile she’ll flake on you and everyone else every chance she gets because there’s always somewhere anywhere else she’d rather and someone else she’d rather be doing it with. She’ll meet up with the person that suits her mood best given the activity and situation. The person who will best help her “be seen.”

I personally don’t know about you guys, but I’ve known at least one girl (or guy) like this since my early 20s. I still know girls pushing 30 who still act like this and trust me, it doesn’t get any more endearing with age. Only more pathetic. Now Miss Fake, the next time you hit up the overpriced vintage store/forever 21/American Apparel/Buffalo Exchange/Urban Outfitters to pick out an outfit to instagram for #ootd, be sure to pick up a personality while you’re at it.

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Just one of those bitches I was talking about (j/k it’s me!)

Sidebar: I can’t post this on facebook because I’ll offend just about every facebook friend I have. Especially the L.A. Based ones (emoji/smiley face).

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When “hip” gives way to “hipster”: My personal experiences with gentrification in L.A.

    If y’all wouldn’t mind indulging me, I would like take a brief detour from discussing dating and friendship to comment on a topic I feel very strongly about: Gentrification.
   Technically gentrification is the process of buying houses in an ethnic, low income area and fixing them up in order to increase property values so more white people will want to move in. As a result the area becomes less rough around the edges. According to Christian Lander, author of the blog and book Stuff White People Like, white people like me are supposed to love the idea of a neighborhood becoming more “white” and safer to hang out in. I must be in the minority because I believe gentrification has ruined one of my favorite bars in Los Angeles. I live in LA  and for the past five years or so, I have seen some changes in the Silverlake, Eagle Rock, and Highland Park neighborhoods. Silverlake was a predominately multi ethnic minority neighborhood about 10-20 years ago. It was a bit run down and up and coming. Flash forward to 2007-2008: Silverlake is now the white hipster mecca of LA much like The Mish, or Mission District is in San Francisco. White people have moved in and changed the neighborhood. As a consequence, those changes started to infiltrate into nearby Eagle Rock. I remember the precise moment Eagle Rock morphed from a place that had a lot of gangs into a place white hipsters felt safe parking their cars on neighborhood streets after midnight. It was around 2008. My Filipino friend Dan told me he went to Tommy’s in Eagle Rock and was hassled by a Mexican gang member who asked him, “Where are you from, Ese?” Dan replied, “Nowhere,” and the gang member punched him in the face as he was sitting in his car. Six months later, my white boyfriend at the time told me he was living in Eagle Rock. I thought to myself, “Is that place safe?” Well what a difference just under a year makes. He took me to Tommy’s and I saw nothing but white hipsters eating at the outdoor tables. There were hipster kids walking up and down Colorado Blvd. I knew change was in the air. The bars were full of white guys with beards, black framed glasses, and flannel shirts. We were definitely not in Kansas anymore. I even went to the yearly Eagle Rock Music Festival by myself and walked back to my car after midnight without having to bust out my pepper spray.
  So what is the problem, you ask? I used to go to a bar called The Little Cave in Highland Park with my Mexican friends about 2-3 years ago. For those of you who don’t know, Highland Park or “Highland Parque” is a predominately Mexican neighborhood right next to Eagle Rock. No sooner than we started going to The Little Cave did I think, “Eventually the white hipsters are going to start taking this neighborhood over just like they did in Eagle Rock.” Flash forward 3 years later to 2013: I paid a visit to The Little Cave and was saddened to see that it is no longer a goth and punk bar that plays Joy Division and is decorated with bat wallpaper, dimmed red lighting, and L.A. Mexican Dia De Los Muertos motifs. Now The Little Cave is full of white hipsters. It has been renovated into a faceless, run of the mill neighborhood lounge like one would find in nearby Silverlake. The bat wallpaper is now just a plain brick wall. Joy Division has given way to bro’d out ’90s rap and current top 40 because I guess that’s the kind of music white people like. The dimmed red lighting of this creepy cool dive bar has given way to a bright, “safe” bar completely stripped of all its personality and charm. A fellow reviewer on yelp put it best: “The photos of the Mexican Revolution on the walls of this bar feels condescending as working class Hispanic families are being priced out of their homes just a few blocks away.” This observation broke my heart because this reviewer was able to so eloquently put into words everything that I have been seeing with my own eyes over the past few years. I missed being able to go to the nearby taco stand La Estrella and having my friends ask me if I wanted them to order for me in Spanish (not necessary, I’m an elementary school teacher in Southern California) but I appreciate how I was on the outside looking in at this really hip neighborhood that had its own identity that I felt privileged to be a part of. Now “hip” has given way to “hipster” as I watched a plethora of beards, flannel, fedoras, cocktail dresses, and flats stumble through their broken Spanish to order tortas at La Estrella. What has happened to my beloved Highland Parque and what is LA going to become in the next 10 years as gentrification continues its stranglehold on all the local diversity?

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Us at La Estrella in Highland Park in 2010.