Re-prioritizing Dating

In my recent experiences online dating, I have learned that men in their 20s want to date women in their 20s. Makes sense. They are the same age, the same stage, and want the same things out of life. When I first signed up for online dating three years ago at 27, I noticed that men 25 and older wanted to date women 23 and younger. It was in their profiles: “Seeking women 18-23.” Don’t get me started on the social  implications of a man 25+ who wants his “woman” balancing that tightrope of “barely legal.” I guess older men want to date child acrobats.

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Guys: If you would rather date the “Dance” contestants rather than the “Dance Moms”, there is a special place on okcupid for you!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some startling news: as men get older, that proverbial tightrope gets tighter. I am now 30. During my most recent online dating experiences, I have found that men ages 28-38 list in their profiles, “Seeking women ages 19-26.” Twenty six is pretty generous. Most men cut it off at 24. I had a 31 year old college professor write to me and say, “I decided to join okcupid because I am getting tired of my students being able to find me on plenty of fish.” I suggested, “Why don’t you increase your desired age range from 18-26 to 26-36? You won’t be bothered by college age girls anymore since you’ll be dating women your own age.” Apparently he didn’t appreciate that insight as much as I did. I never heard from him again. And that’s fine. I am going to be the real me during my online dating exploits: wit, wisdom, age, and all. I’m not going to be the girl guys would like to see.
Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker thinks differently. In her recent article, “The Midlife Dating Game: having fun after 50” Stanger affirms, “Men don’t want to pick you if you’re over 50. The minute you say you’re over 50, you’re out. But if you say you’re 40, you’re in. There’s an ageism in our society.” Among her tips for snagging that “dream guy” online? “Shaving a couple of years off your online profile might improve your prospects.”
As someone who has seen first hand how ageist guys are towards girls who are even just 30, I am inclined to disagree. Starting a relationship off on a dishonest note is no way to start a relationship. If a guy can’t handle your real age, what do you want with him? Stanger recommends working overtime to get a guy to approve of YOU when you should be the one putting him to the test to see if he’s good enough for YOU. Stanger recommends, “Always look your best, even if you’re going to the gas station.” If you’re the type of woman who likes to straighten her hair and put on makeup every time she leaves the house, more power to you. I am not one of those women. You can’t even get me to put on lipgloss unless it’s a special occasion. And fyi, “work”, “Walmart”, and the “gas station” are not special occasions. I’m a firm believer in being who you are, looking the way you are, and acting the way you are. The right guy will come along. I for one am not going to live my life in a way to seek approval from other men. In high school, the kids used to call it “staying true to yourself.” Who would have thought high school would be the time in our lives when everything was simpler, more honest, more transparent? I’ve given up on online dating until further notice. If guys my age want someone younger and say in their profile that they must be “attractive,” then I agree. I’d like to find an attractive guy too. And I won’t find him online. When I go out, I’m going to be me. If I don’t want to wear makeup or my hair in anything other than a ponytail, I’m not going to. Fun fact: every guy I’ve dated, I’ve met in person while wearing glasses, no makeup, and my hair in a ponytail. It’s that winning smile, personality, and brains that draw men to us. It is not saying what they want to hear, looking the way they think we should look, and agreeing with everything they say. Sorry, but I don’t buy into the Malibu Stacy form of dating as suggested by Patti Stanger and countless others: *cue coquettish giggly doll voice* “Let’s put on makeup so the boys will like us.”
Because if I have to change who I am, lie about my age, and hang out in places I wouldn’t normally hang out in just to snag a man, I can honestly say I’d rather not date. I realize my journey in finding the right person is not going to be quick or easy. I’m okay with that. I am going to find happiness and meaning in other ways: family, friends, work, and hobbies. But meanwhile, I hope I can make all of you laugh and enlighten you along the way. My life may not turn out being married with children by the time I’m forty. I’ve accepted a wide range of alternate scenarios. Because the moment you become desperate to attract a man like so many dating “experts” suggest, you are done. Remember it is better to be alone than to feel alone.

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“Let’s put on makeup so the boys will like us!”

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The 12 Commandments of Online Dating

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I am adding an 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not make ducklips in your profile picture no matter if thou is male or female.

My 12th Commandment: Thou shalt not take shirtless douchebag profile pics in front of thine bathroom mirror.

Do you guys have any online dating commandments to share? Comment below! I’d like to hear them. Let’s share our experiences and have a laugh 🙂

Are you really that OkStupid?! (How to stay forever single on online dating sites)

I have been navigating the treacherous waters of the online dating circuit on and off again for the last 3 years. Gentlemen, if you want to stay single indefinitely, DEFINITELY commit any or all of these online dating Do Not Do’s:

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1. A short man who can’t own being short. Dude, most women can deal with a guy who is shorter than them as long as he is a decent human being. What we can’t deal with is being called nasty names due to your Napoleon Complex. If your online dating profile reads, “I’m short, but I’ve found that most women on here are pretentious ***** that make a big issue of it.” Expect to fall into the elite online dating category of “Forever Single”. Many will enter but only a few truly astounding ***** will win.

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2. Being a full time ninja or Jedi Master. If you say anywhere in your online dating profile that you are a “full time ninja” or “Jedi Master”, that is almost as bad as sending me a private message that you are a virgin and am hoping that I can help you “get that over with” (sadly, this has happened to me). Being a ninja or Jedi Master will attract a lot of attention from the ladies but they will not be the type of ladies that will get you laid. Destination: Singleville. Population: You and your ninja costume.

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3. Demanding that the girl you meet MUST be as “in shape” as you are. I have read countless profiles from guys who say, “Eating well and staying in shape are important to me. I stay in shape and expect you to do the same. I don’t expect you to start letting yourself go after we start dating.” Let’s be real here. Every guy who says this has major love handles in his douchebag shirtless profile pic in front of his bathroom mirror. Your pursed lips and sideways Ed Hardy trucker hat will not detract my attention from that fact. If you want a girl to stay in shape for you, how about actually being attractive and in shape yourself? 4

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Trying to “impress” me with your “thrifty creativity.” What guys fail to understand on online dating sites is that the quality of the first date is not measured by how little you spend on it. And this is why they will always be single until they find their soulmate who also believes that the best dates are those that are 99 cents only. I have had so many guys ask me out for a date in the following fashion: “I know a place that has dollar tacos/movies/bowling. It’s right by my house. Drive down and meet me there.” So in other words, I have to spend more in gas to drive 20 minutes to half an hour to where you live so you can spend your extra laundromat money on me in hopes of impressing me with your “thrifty creativity”? Here’s another quarter. Call someone who cares or use it for an “upgrade” to Taco Supreme at Taco Bell for the next girl who must have “Stupid” and “Desperate” written on her forehead. As Justin Timberlake would say on one of his famous SNL sketches: “Bring it on down to Singleville”

Like my sister says, “There’s a reason they’re all on here” and if nothing else, browsing their profiles provides me a great deal of entertainment. All without ever having to leave my house and actually meet these Forever Single Homeboys in person. But imagine what a story it would be if I did!