Valentines Day: A Lesson From My High Schoolers

Sometimes as a teacher, I’m fortunate enough to learn valuable life-changing lessons from my students. One of those lessons is what I should not put up with from men on Valentines Day.
   I had a lot of blessings this Valentines Day. I actually got a chance to substitute teach again at the local continuation high school. Being able to connect with kids in a positive way is a very rewarding experience. These kids do not care for teachers in general (especially substitutes) and if you happen to be a white teacher, let’s just say you have your work cut out for you. It is an exercise in character building to say the least. I always tell myself that the only reward in taking an easy sub job over a more challenging one is that it’s easy. While working with these students, I’ve learned (by overhearing side conversations) about sex ed (handjobs), what to do if you have a pregnancy scare, where the best meth parties are in the desert, the difference between a “ghetto weave” and a “nice weave” and about how smoking weed “isn’t really a drug” and “it improves your concentration in school.” The best lesson I learned by far is what guys should give you on Valentines Day.
  I’ve had several suitors over the years attempt to seduce me with their well thought out and even better executed Valentines Day “gifts.” Let’s start with my magical Valentine of 2008 when the guy I was dating asked me if I wanted to go to the local bar to get a drink:

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Why of course I’d love you to win me over with alcohol on the most romantic day of the year. I could tell this date was planned for over a month (I will add my “sarcastic smiley” 😉 for those of you that are unfamiliar with sarcasm).

Who can forget Valentines Day 2009 when I was given a single rose (Just the rose by itself):

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….From Big Bob’s Last Second Roadside Valentines Day Emporium:

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Perhaps the most “memorable” Valentines Day was 2013 when my last boyfriend gave me…wait for it….

NOTHING!!!!!

And the funny thing was all three of these guys thought they were going to get laid. They didn’t even deserve a peck on the cheek. Ain’t nobody got time.

As I was teaching at the continuation high school, my female students for all 6 periods got the whole lot-flowers (plural), candy, and a teddy bear:

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It made me realize I was putting up with way less than I deserved. These girls were just 15-17 years old and their Valentines gifts from their 15-17 year old boyfriends were way better than the Valentines Day gifts I received as an adult. It was a wake up call. I’m going to expect better for my future suitors. Time to raise the bar.

At least I didn’t have any desperate, creepy guys on tinder that I’ve only known for three days try to rush to meet me so they wouldn’t be single on Valentines Day. That was my other Valentines Day blessing.

25 Year Old Seeks “Mature” Woman, age 29. 29 year old replies, “Get bent.”

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Ashton Kutcher is 35. Mila Kunis is 29, about to turn 30. Does that make him a “mature” man? Of course not. But if you follow the logic contained in this post, it just might.

In my recent experiences dating, I have been, shall we say, “privileged” to meet some younger men. I recently got in touch with an old friend. Yeah let’s call him that. He is now 22 and I am 29. We had the opportunity to date two years ago when he was 20 and I was 27. But unfortunately good judgement and common sense on my part threw a wrench into our plans. Flash forward two years later: I am moving on by trying out this newfangled way to connect with others called online dating. A 25 year old writes to me: “I would love to meet a mature woman like you. I love that mature women don’t care what others think and can say whatever they want.” Oh sweetie. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, I think as I type my reply: “We are the SAME generation, you fucktard”. Short and sweet. Just the way I like it. Really? 4 years age difference makes me a “mature” woman? We were both born in that turbulent decade known as the ’80s. I guess being born in the early ’80s, I must have an entirely different perspective on life than this “kid” who was born a mere 4 years later in the LATE ’80s (OMG). Were we not both in high school during the Sept 11th attacks? Were we both not there for Britney Mania in the early 2000s?! Ladies and gentlemen, it gets better. During this time, the old friend whom I described in my opening paragraph has now found his way back to me after a two year absence (Facebook you will be the death of me. Thanks for absolutely nothing). He is now 22 and claims he has changed and is now the kind of man a “mature” woman (his words, not mine) would want to know. He begs me to give him a chance: “I love how mature women say what they think.” (This sounds familiar. Where did I hear this before?) We start dating and I find that yes, he has changed drastically since we last hung out 2 years ago. Why not give him a chance? He helps his case by telling me, “I have been with women a lot older than you, you know.” Not helping. Just shut your pretty little face and let me handle this, okay? We hit our first obstacle after a few weeks of dating: we are in his car. Somehow he brings up the movie Shrek. I tell him, “I have never seen Shrek”. His diapers come unpinned as he exclaims, “Seriously?! You’ve never seen Shrek?! It’s the greatest kids’ movie ever!” I think to myself, “Holy shit. This “kid” was eleven when that movie came out!” I calmly reply, ” I was eighteen when Shrek came out. I was an adult.” This revelation is met with awkward silence which seems to last an enternity. Really J.Lo. I don’t know how you and Casper Smart do it. This dating jungle is very exhausting for this “mature” woman.