Hey Sugar Tush! (If you want poetry, date the heiress to Hallmark)

This is what I think about romance.

During the course of a relationship, the dreaded topic is bound to come up. Nicknames. It seems the one who puts in more effort in coming up with a unique, adorable nickname for their significant other is the one who “cares” more or is ever so slightly more invested in the relationship, however you want to put it. That is all fine and dandy if you are the “sensitive” type. I have had many guys give me their own special nickname from Bella (I never said I was a Twilight fan, but there it is), sweetie (a classic) or Pretty Lady. I like Pretty Lady the most because it gets the job done. I am very pretty and I AM a lady, thank you very much. I appreciated this particular gentleman’s ingenuity. However, when the time came to reciprocate, I was at a total loss. Should I play “opposite day” and call him Handsome Gentleman? I considered that option for quite awhile. But then I became concerned that he would blame me for not trying hard enough and taking the “easy” way out. Because Pretty Lady was a doozy to think up. Everyone who knows me knows that I’m not particularly sentimental when it comes to guy nicknames. I usually call them “brah”, “homie” or else something very sarcastic like “Sweet Cheeks McGee”, or “Sugar Tush” to show how against this nickname game I really am. It’s not fair, homeslice. You knew I was sarcastic, mean, and loved to razz you going into this. You can’t blame me for not being cutesy now. The guy who called me Pretty Lady actually gave me a “suggested” nickname that I could use after I made it clear that I was having a hard time with this. He said, “Since my last name starts with an M, some of my friends girlfriends call me “Momo”. Well I wasn’t about to go along with that. I can’t call my boo something that the other girls call him. He’s mine and I need to put my own special stamp on him. Not some “Tramp Stamp” that all his other female acquaintances use. So I came up with the perfect solution: M Dawg. Because his last name starts with an M. That’s what you’re getting. Shut up and let it happen.