That Girl Who Never Has Time For You (Hashtag Multiple Emoji Smiley With Hearts)

Everyone knows that one girl. That girl who goes to all the cool parties, knows all the coolest people, knows the best places to hang out, and has a great look that all her friends want to emulate:

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Everyone she knows is texting her, messaging her, and commenting on all of her posts just waiting for their chance to hang out with her. There is one caveat: she doesn’t actually have time for you or anyone else.

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It’s true she’s always posting on social media about going out to all the amazing bars, clubs, shows, and parties. She’ll “check in” to all the exclusive velvet-rope hot spots where you and your friends wait outside for hours. She gets right in because she “knows someone.” She’s what is known as a “scene girl” or “Really cool hipster girl with connections” or “uber hipster,” if you must. (I wish you wouldn’t. It gives these girls way more credit than they actually deserve).    Every girl and guy she knows follows her around like a lost puppy, just grateful for the privilege of her expertise in what’s hot right now. She obviously knows better than you do. Her clothes are cuter. Her haircut is more expensive. She is a vegan chef. She plays an instrumet. She is a writer. She is an artist. She has a lip ring. Or maybe she doesn’t. There are varying breeds. Whatever she is, she’s cooler and better than everyone and she lets them know it:

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These girls are what I like to call “Scene Fakers,” or simply, “Fakes” If their friends text them to hang out, the “scene fake” ignores them. Meanwhile that very same night, she’s at a hip LA/SF/NYC bar bumping into the cool kids she knows who also showed up alone just to “bump into” the other socially acceptable scene kids they feel are worthy of them.
This faker will also post on social media: “I’m going to Such-and-Such Bar/Going for a bike ride/Cooking vegan food at my apartment. Who’s down?” All of her Twitter/Instagram/Facebook followers will answer. Hours will go by. Meanwhile she’ll post pics of said activity with the people she met up with. You know, the people who know a lot more about “the scene” than you. People who she feels made the cut.
This “fake” doesn’t actually have real friends. She doesn’t want them. But she does want everyone to know how popular she is because one is simply not popular unless they have the pictures to prove it. Meanwhile, her friends will comment under her social media posts, “How come you never returned my text? I wanted to go bike riding with you” or “Invite me next time you to go to Such-and-Such Bar.” Meanwhile she’s laughing out the sides of her extremely heavy, oversized black framed glasses. She lives life on her own terms, and you as her friend, are lucky enough to get a front row seat on social media to watch. Meanwhile she’ll flake on you and everyone else every chance she gets because there’s always somewhere anywhere else she’d rather and someone else she’d rather be doing it with. She’ll meet up with the person that suits her mood best given the activity and situation. The person who will best help her “be seen.”

I personally don’t know about you guys, but I’ve known at least one girl (or guy) like this since my early 20s. I still know girls pushing 30 who still act like this and trust me, it doesn’t get any more endearing with age. Only more pathetic. Now Miss Fake, the next time you hit up the overpriced vintage store/forever 21/American Apparel/Buffalo Exchange/Urban Outfitters to pick out an outfit to instagram for #ootd, be sure to pick up a personality while you’re at it.

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Just one of those bitches I was talking about (j/k it’s me!)

Sidebar: I can’t post this on facebook because I’ll offend just about every facebook friend I have. Especially the L.A. Based ones (emoji/smiley face).

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